MTV Remote Control

(Originally from MTV’s Remote Control Blog)

XX Says:

I feel like a fat child in a candy store. Or a 19-year-old with a really good fake ID. I had been counting down the tanning booth sessions to this premiere since T-shirt time. And it’s so great to see that things haven’t changed since Miami. Oh wait…except that everything has, in some M. Night Shamalamadingdong way. Everyone hates Sammi, there’s a new girl and The Sitch is separated from his bros and forced to share a room with the not-so-dynamic duo who lay around being angry when everyone else is playing flip-cup.

Seriously, I can’t tell who I hate more in the SamRonlationship. I mean, Sammi Sweetheart is just shiny hair and smoky eyes with an attitude problem, and Ronnie is a kooka-whipped juicehead. And they came to The Shore for what? The comfort of two twin beds? Clearly they didn’t make the trip for all the fun family-bonding time. I don’t know about any other ladies out there, but if I knew I was coming into a house where every single person hated me, I’d probably try to be a bit nicer to the new girl. I’d also probably pick a room with two beds so I could smush my cheating boyfriend in private.

But on to bigger (ahem) and better subjects. Vin and Ryder? Really? Then Snooks again? Then Deena? Then we talk about Angelina?! Vinny, you rascal! Even The Sitch kept it in his pants this episode, and he had a half-naked walking holiday in his face. When he looks like the good guy, you know we’ve got a problem.

And Deena. Girrrrl, I also like to think of myself as a blast in a glass (actually more like a Solo cup), but it’s only been one day. ONE. Have you learned nothing from Snooki’s first night during Season 1? Did you really think showing your kooka, then calling Sammi a kooka was the best way to kick off the summer? It’ll be O.K. though; JWOWW’s always down for a fight, so just be glad she’s in your corner right now. And fully dressed. Lord knows it’s not easy to throw down in pasties and a miniskirt.